the math of sex: 1 + 1 = 1

When you have sex with someone, you become one with them. Literally. It’s not just a union of bodies … it’s a union of souls. It’s not just a physical act, but an emotional, psychological, and spiritual act. Two people become one at the deepest level possible. If you want to find out why sex is such a divine gift, and what boundaries the Giver wants us to remember and practice, watch this talk entitled “Everybody’s Doing It. A lot of parents are watching it with their older kids …

Becoming a Grateful person

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget none of his benefits (Psalm 103:1-2)

Isn’t it nice to be able just to pause sometimes and consider the things you have to be thankful for? When you think about those family members you love, and even some of the ones that sometimes drive you crazy … you’re still thankful, mostly, that they’re in your life. Think about your work if it gives you meaning. Think about the people you get to play with during your off time, your hobbies, the good graces of God. It’s good to think about those things. 

But lurking behind that experience is a question: Are all those good things “rights” that I have, or do I not deserve any of them? What about you? Do you deserve all those things you were just thinking of? 

John Claypool, my mentor in Birmingham, used to tell me, “Paul, remember that life is gift, and birth is windfall.” Neither is deserved, neither is earned. And so, if not even birth was deserved, then nothing in all of life is deserved. And that leads to a profound change of thought. When you realize that God truly is the giver of every gift in your life, you will be on the way to becoming a grateful person. And every day, you will say with the Psalmist: “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget none of his benefits.”

Interested in more? Here’s a link to my message on Psalm 103 called “Undeserving.”
https://subsplash.com/+b6b0/lb/mi/+bs59tvs?branding=true&embed=true

Sex: Culture’s voice vs. God’s voice

When our culture talks about sex, its voice is deafening. We hear it at the movies, on TV, and in music. It’s 24/7/365.

It’s also very different from what God’s voice tells us. Put the two perspectives side by side, and you’ll find God’s wisdom about sex is better than anything culture can offer.

In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul is responding to questions that first-century Christians were asking regarding their freedom in Christ—especially as it pertained to sex. Some of them said, “I’m free to do whatever I want! I can have sex with anyone, anytime, anywhere!” Paul responds, “Of course you’re free. But freedom has its limits.” His point: indulging in freedom is not always good for you. For example, you can decide that for the next month you’re going to eat 5000 calories a day in desserts only. But you’re probably not going to be free to wear last summer’s swimsuit.

So, when you’re weighing the voice of culture (“I’m free to do whatever feels good”) against what God says (“Sex is too important to be casual”), just remember that if freedom hurts you or others, it’s not real freedom.

Interested in more? Here’s a link to “Everybody’s Doing It?” (Music is great! Message begins at 25:17)
https://subsplash.com/+b6b0/lb/mi/+4n3z5tk?branding=true&embed=true

The gift of slowing down

Not that long ago, your life was filled with events and activities and people. Maybe too many to count.

Now you’ve slowed down more than you ever thought possible. Some days simply drag, don’t they?

Most likely you wouldn’t have slowed down on your own. You needed outside help.

Over the years, I have been drawn to the words from Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” But I never knew how to obey them. I walk fast. I talk fast. I eat fast. I seldom slow down.

At my last church I preached on “The Demon of Hurry” … and confessed that I was possessed. So I vowed to slow down. I went on retreats of silence and solitude. I read books on how to “be still and know” that God is God. I confessed to God how seldom I was still and quiet. I succeeded in making a few external adjustments, but I didn’t change on the inside, where it counts.

Then a year or two ago, I ran across a winsome invitation from God in a book I was reading. He was asking me yet again to slow down. This time he gave me a way to do it. I liked it so much I made it into a screen saver for my desktop computer. Here it is.

Reading those two sentences every day began to change me on the inside. They showed me a way to slow down and be still before God. Of course, it still took a pandemic to make me slow down. But when it came, I was ready.

You’ve been forced to slow down. You can be mad about it. You can be sad about it. Or you can be glad about it. I’m choosing to be glad. Will you join me?

Paul

I wish I had learned this years ago …

I hope I’m a lifelong learner. But there are some life-truths I wish I had learned years ago.

Take the idea of fixing people. Or saving them. It’s the same thing.

Here’s how it goes.

  • Someone you know struggles with addictions, or relationships, or just life in general.
  • You convince yourself that you have the power, time, and wisdom to solve their problem and alleviate their suffering.
  • Whether invited or not, you start trying to fix it. Or to be honest, to fix them.

Where does this thought process come from? To put it simply, it comes from thinking too highly of yourself and too lowly of God. Whaaaaaaat? Let’s dig deeper.

When you think too highly of yourself, you think you can save people from their sins. Not in the sense of dying to redeem them – Jesus already did that. But in the sense of saving them from the consequence of their sins. Why? Because you don’t want them to suffer. Why? Because you think suffering is wrong. Why? Because you’ve suffered, and it’s no fun. Bottom line: Jesus saves people from the guilt of their sin, but you try to save them from the consequences.

When you think too lowly of God, it’s because you don’t like the way he lets others experience the painful effects of their bad decisions. So you try to help him. (Lucky God, what a helper he has in you.) But in the process, you undermine God’s plan of maturing people through trials.  You also get people to depend on you rather than on him.

I’ve done this, more times that I can count. If you’ve done it, you know it’s a recipe for disaster. For everyone involved.

Let’s be encouraged by the words of a Scottish pastor, now deceased. Writing to all of us who think we are supposed to save others, he says:

Some meddling ministers want to sort everybody out (= fix everyone). There are some people who will die with mixed-up personalities, and they may be true believers. Don’t try to do the impossible … Know your limitations, and know what God is seeking to do in the world, and what part in it He wants you to play … Most people crack up because they try to do what God never intended them to do. (William Still)

If you think you’re supposed to save people, re-read that last paragraph. May it free you from the savior complex. You’re not Jesus. I’m not Jesus. Praise Jesus.

Thankful that the School of Discipleship is still in session, and that we can still learn, Paul